An update…and an apology.

It seems I am slacking in posting these days. Forgive. It has been quite the crazy, busy time lately. I had every intention to write, to update. I sat down, I had things planned out. But then we got the phone call that they wanted to see Harper for an update on her foot, and she needed another weight in.

Still I sat down, I knew what I wanted to say. I was going to write. I would do it that night. I wanted to write about how sitting in the hospital while they put Harper under for an MRI was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. That I held my breath and watched as the hours ticked by. How I just wanted to know everything was going to be OK.

I was going to write about how I feel like a crappy parent because Harper is growing, but she doesn’t weight as much as a normal then ten month old. She is long, and lean. And yet they still tell us to feed her as much as we can, and ask what we are doing, because she should be gaining a lot more than she is. We are trying. She is getting there. But she is a hell of a lot more active than she used to be. Still I do not feel like our efforts are good enough.

I wanted to write about the fact Family Intervention came and did an evaluation on her to see if they recommend her doing therapy to catch up to her nonpreemie babies counterparts. They did. We have our second evaluation, the beginning of Dec. Maybe I will write about that.

And then there was Logan’s orthodontist consult. And Halloween came up, and Logan’s lacrosse camp ended. And teacher/parent conferences, and birthday parties, and hockey games. I wanted to say how I don’t know how my mom did it with three girls, because I have two kids and I for awhile, between the two it was a lot of running back and forth. Thank the lord for my organizer.

And before I knew it, we are in the week before Thanksgiving….

This is no excuse. But bare with me. I will write. I have things to say. Trust me.

These things hidden

 

A disorgized mess packed tightly in hidden creases and pockets,

Of things in which are mostly no longer needed.

Knick Knacks, thingamabobs and stale candy,

Receipts bundled and jammed in the sides.

Report cards from three years ago,

Gum wrappers, aspirin and coins no longer accepted by machines.

A solitaire band of silver seems heavier than before,

A diamond I must have forgotten for a single night.

Lipstick tubes, perfume and last night’s menu,

Buried beneath old matches, the cigarette pack no one knows about.

Pens and paper, hidden notes I wish not to be rid of,

Fingers graze each item until it finds the tie with the scent of him.

It lingers like it’s afraid of being forgotten,

Grasping for the memory they clinch the ends.

Let them stall over all that remains of moments of pure bliss,

Till they burn with something more, something far beyond desire and lust.

Rather of jealousy, deceit and fear,

That a single phone number written in black ink, smudged at the ends.

Just may be my undoing.

The Great Disney Parks Moms Panel 2017 Search.

So it’s done. Submitted and out of my hands.  Once I again I find myself in the Disney Parks Moms Panel waiting room, #DisneyMP  waiting room for short. I admit, even though my reason was an incredible reason to sit out last year, at the same time, it was a little odd. I missed the waiting room, missed being a part of the excitement, I missed my people.

I have often been asked why do I continue to do this, why do I keep trying, after all after 7 years? Maybe they are trying to tell me something. And maybe they have a point. But I don’t see it. I see an incredible opportunity to do something I do so naturally, so often that it has become a part of my life. Because if I can bring the same incredible magic to at least one guest that a Walt Disney World Resort vacation has brought me, then my day is made.

And because I wrote a note to my son on back-to-school night that said. “Reach for the moon, knowing if you fall, you will always land among the stars.” How am I supposed to enforce this if I don’t abide by the rules myself?

Right, but you have made it so close in years past, what is to say this year will be any different.

I don’t. No one does. I also realize that with every year, something changes a little. What they are looking for, who they are looking for. And while those times I came close, it wasn’t me. I could be bitter. I am not. I have loved the panelist that were lucky enough to make it. I cheered them on, I still root for them. Maybe it wasn’t my year, but maybe this year it is.

Again, reaching for the moon…

And what if it isn’t my year once again?

Will I be disappointed? Yes. I think we all feel a little sad when we get those not so magical emails telling us it is not our year. But I will not think of myself any less, and I will not think of the process any less. I have also realized, the destination, while one we all love and dream about, is wonderful, but the journey has taught me so much about friendships, hopes, about never giving up. About finding out who you are, Disney nerd and all. Owning it.

And sometimes, that is worth joining the waiting room in itself.

Tech Free weekend

This past weekend we went completely tech free. Now I admit it was not done on purpose what so ever. Andy and my dad were out cleaning the backyard, something happened to our Verizon Fios, knocking it out entirely. Which meant that from mid morning on Saturday until early afternoon on Sunday we had no TV, phone or internet.

Now we could complain about this, I could say how horrible it was because I was in the middle of watching the Olympics and they were in the middle of a match. Also because I am running a Thirty-One online party and without the internet, it wouldn’t be easy.  My son could complain that he didn’t get to finish that Disney Infinity game he was in the middle of. And Andy could complain that he couldn’t be glued to his phone.

And you know what. We learned something.

We learned that sometimes, you don’t need any of it to still have a good time. That putting down that phone meant you could actually have a conversation face to face without having to find out what Johnny down the street was having for dinner.

We learned that music from the 90s is still pretty awesome, despite the fact you may have to explain why your 7 year old is singing “My andaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun.” And  yes CDs still work.

We learned that stores still exist. And you know, people still go to them! And little man found out that back to school shopping isn’t all that bad when it means shopping for you.

And we found out, telemarketers will definitely leave you alone when they can’t reach you!

But most of all, we learned that we don;t need any of it to make us happy. In fact we may do this more often.

An 8 month update

 

Holly Hicks Photography.

Holly Hicks Photography.

It has been way to long since I have written. I apologize. Life has gotten in the way. But here I am.

So lets get on with it.

Today, baby girl turns 8 months old. I  marvel to think how this happened. It seems like yesterday Anderson and I were bundling her up to finally take her home from the NICU after her week long stay. Yet here we are.

She continue to be on the smaller side, though she is getting there. At the beginning of July, we were able to finally convince the doctor that she may have a lactose issue, and were giving the go ahead to switch her out to a lactose (and everything else) free formula along with the start of baby food. She grew a whole pound in four weeks, jumping from 9 Ibs 10 oz, to just under 11 Ibs. Considering in her previous every two month appointments she had only gained a pound each time, the pound gained in 4 weeks was great. We now have another weight checkup this  month, four weeks after the first checkup, I am assuming this may be the norm from now on. Though we are also just convinced that little lady will be a little peanut. A beautiful little peanut.

She survived her first trip to Walt Disney World this past week where she pretty much melted everyone’s heart. She had no clue where she was obviously, but every now and then I got to see the little spark of princess love. I know we are in for many more years of it.  The castle she will call her second home may not be recognizable to her at the moment, but give it time.

While she may be tiny, she is gaining personality big time. I adore her smiles and giggles, which she usually reserves for daddy and big brother. Her left thumb is constantly in her mouth, which means I am pretty sure I have a thumb sucker on my hands, and the beginnings of teething. No visible ones have made them selves known as of yet. But it is bound to happen.

She has yet to crawl, but she is a wiggler. And even though she has yet to master sitting up on her own, I know she wants to. The doctors did inform us that because she is smaller, and came a little earlier, some things may take her a little longer to do. While so many people may panic because it is not on schedule, the way I see it, take your time baby girl. Life goes by to fast as it is. The milestones can come at your own pace.

We have time. You have time.

 

First Sales and nailing it.

I MA9dde5ba633a7953a566c6732c8ae0d52DE MY FIRST SALE!

That is right! I sure did.

It may not be a big deal to most. But to me, it was. It was a huge step. I know my launch party isn’t until next Friday, which means I have been sort of quiet and not pushed to much for this month. But this morning I approached a coworker who is soon retiring and I gave her the talk. Because I knew she wouldn’t be able to wait till I put in the order.

I thanked her for everything and handed her a mini catalog and took a deep breath. Alright here it goes! Had she heard of Thirty-One, no not really. Would she be interested in it? Other than the fact she adores my purses and such, which she is forever commenting on I really had no idea. But I had to try.

And you know, she was at least willing to listen.

I have a bit of a confession here. This was the same woman who a few weeks ago was talking about finding her passion as her reason to retire. Because she wants to do something she enjoys. And as she sat there telling me this, I couldn’t help but think about the Thirty-One opportunity that I had been toying with.  She was part of the inspiration for jumping in to this crazy adventure.

When I thanked her for it, told her she inspired me, her face was amazing. And I sold it. I nailed it.  I ended it simply by saying, even if you never look at this, I want you to have my catalog with my information (why not right?) because if nothing more you will look at this and know you inspired at least one person to do something for themselves.

She walked away with a catalog and I walked away with an order. My confidence already growing.

And you know, it wasn’t all that bad either.

 

To take a risk.

I am not a risk taker. I have never been one. Instead I am calculating. I play it safe. Afraid not of the failure, but rather the unknown. Is it worth it? Would it be worth it in the end? I suppose that could be seen as fear of failure though I do not think so. I am also quiet and shy especially until you get to know me.

Why do I bring this up?

Because I have been debating something for awhile now.  What that something is, I am not yet ready to share. I have not yet made up my mind as to whether I will do it or not. I will say it is something totally and completely out of my comfort zone, which has a way of creeping in to my head and telling me I shouldn’t do this. I can’t do this. Ironically  It also sounds a lot like a certain teacher from high school.

And it kind of terrifies me. I would have to face some things that I fear. Getting in front of people. Speaking. Can I do it? Yes probably? Will it get easier as I do it? Yes. But the thought of it? Well it is probably  one of the main reasons why I am debating it.

So why then am I even considering this?  To challenge myself, to prove that I can get out of that comfort zone. To say, you can do this. You are not the person you think you are. A little of me is saying it could even help me out in certain departments. Math and people skills being one of them. Maybe I would even be good at it, will like it. Which would be a total shocker, but hey you never know.

To do something not for anyone else but myself.  I can’t remember the last time I truly did something just for myself.

Maybe that is a risk in itself.

To Andy on our ten year anniversary.

anniversaryTo my dearest Andy-

Ten years…Do you remember when that seemed so long from that night we said I Do? How it surely would never get here. How we would never be that old. And yet somehow here we are. Staring at our ten year anniversary. They weren’t kidding when they said it would be here before we knew it.

It is.

It has been a wild ten years hasn’t it? We have so many changes, have gone through so many changes since that hot evening on Memorial Day weekend ten years ago. I don’t think we realized where our paths would take us back then. That we would have an amazing son who is probably the Worlds best kid. Admit it, he is. While he may look and have my personality do not be fooled, he is your son as well. He can be stubborn and a goof ball. And he loves his mommy just as much as his dad does (ok maybe a little more but this is up for debate) Take it up with him. And the daughter we welcomed last year? I can not wait to see how much joy she will bring in to our lives. I can not wait to see just who she will become.

We have had some hard years there is no doubt about that. Number 7  in particular was exceptionally hard. I don’t think many realize just how close we were to calling it quits. Really really close. Marriage at times is often not what we think it is. It’s not easy. I think we had to learn the hard way that it takes time. It is adjustments and constant reminders to actually put down the phones, the computers, to turn off the televisions and have conversations. To check in. To remind each other that we aren’t just mommy and daddy. That we are husband and wife. Andy and Aleisha. To remind each other that I love you isn’t just some words to mutter at the end of the night. That they actually mean something.

That you mean something to one another.

I learned a lot that year. About myself, about you. About us. I learned how much we loved each other. How much we still love each other. Even if we hated one another for a moment. How I wouldn’t want to go on this ride with any one else. How there are destined to be good years, and bad years. That it is the bad years that make us appreciate the good ones that much more. And how we often learn more about ourselves and our relationships during the bad ones.

We made a lot of changes during that time. We did a lot more talking than I believe we ever had. And for that, I am thankful for the struggles because it taught me this; that I love you more than anything. I did not think it would be possible but somehow that year made us stronger, more solid.

Which brings us to our 10th year. Amazing to think about.

I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am for you. How much I love you. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to husband chores. I can not think of any other guy that automatically does things without asking. I can not begin to tell you how much each time you do something as simple as offer to cut a piece of meat, or help put on a bracelet makes me fall in love with you a little more. Likewise words can not express how much I adore watching you with the kids. The joy they bring to your face is indescribable. The joy you bring to their faces is indescribable. Truly it takes my breath way at times.

Please know this, you are one of the best guys I have ever known. You are one of the best fathers I know. Do not ever doubt this, do not doubt yourself. You are loved. Exceptionally so.

I love you.

No, we do not know what the future holds. I am not so naive to think every year will be spectacular. There will be other challenges to face. Other years that won’t go as according to plans. We will question, we will doubt and we will be tested. But I do know this, no matter what we will face it. We will embrace it.

Together.

And  what about love? Yes, we will love.

Yours truly,

Your wife.

 

Here’s to 5 months!

13254434_10154136048105883_7358667956715727491_nThere is that moment you have once you have a kid when you wonder what life was like before the little one was around.  You can’t even remember those days anymore. Surely we have always been a family of 4.

I had one of those yesterday while putting little lady’s 5 month sticker on her outfit. When had this happened? She can not be that old yet. I just had her!  And while I admit I miss those precious newborn days when it was just her and I in the living room while I was on leave, at the same time. I am loving this moment.

These moments.

This month has seen a lot of big changes.  Her giggles are becoming more infectious with each passing day. Gone are the accidental giggles. They have been taken over with a cute little baby chuckle that has grabbed the heart and the attention of anyone willing to listen and play along.

She could also babble all day to daddy, Logan and myself.  At times, they are so deep and serious almost that I often wonder what is going on her little head of hers. Yet at the same time, a minute later she is all smiles and sweet talking you like a champ. Even if it is in her own baby language.

We’ve also noticed how much more alert and aware of things she has become. No longer does she like to be held so she can’t see anything! And if you put a hockey game, or a baseball game on she is glued to the TV.

You can pretty much forget tummy time these days. She was never a fan of it to begin with but lately she has figured out to roll from her tummy on to her back, though she has yet to master the other way around. She will get there. And sitting up? You can tell she wants to sit up a lot more these days. She may not be able to sit unassisted yet, she is working on it. Getting stronger by the day, it has been incredible to see her reach each new thing or milestone every week.

She has also discovered her wonderful little hands are probably the best chew toy ever. While she does not appear to be teething yet, she is definitely getting a work out on those jaw muscles.

Harper had to undergo a ultrasound for her port wine stain on her foot. Everything turned out fine and it only seems to be superficial at this point which is good news. It will still have to be monitored and evaluated to make sure everything is all right still, but for the moment it is good news.

And lets hear it, she is finally in 0-3 month clothing! Most are still a little big but we are glad to see that she is moving in the right direction. It also means I should probably go through those drawers and change out to the bigger sizes we have been hoarding for awhile now.

I find it hard to believe that a month from now she will be six months old! Honestly I am really beginning to wonder just how that happened. And yet, I can not remember a time when she was not part of our lives. Much like it was with Logan, she seems as though she has been part of the family forever.

Here is to 5 months!

To watch or not to watch…

Tonight brings Game 6 to us from Pittsburgh, and I have a big decision to make.

To watch or not to watch.

Yes I know, what kind of fan am I if I don’t right? After all its the playoffs, and I know I should watch it. I know I should support the team and all. And yes I do. I love watching them, I love the hits the shots. The back and forth between these two teams. Its fun, its exciting and like it was on Saturday, a win is exhilarating. Its the the thought that if we win tonight we can bring it back home for game 7 on Thursday. It would be a comeback for years to come. So why shouldn’t I watch?

Yet, it is also emotional. It is hide my face under my hoodie with each goal that we get, it’s nail biting. It’s trying to stay cool and ignore each outburst that my husband does. If it is hard to watch as a fan, it is even harder when your husband is part of the organization. This is his job, his team. What they do depends on what he does and how he feels. While he may not agree with this, he does  not realize how emotional he gets, yes I am speaking of the hockey PMS. During playoffs it can be like riding a damn roller coaster. Believe me I fear our furniture will not survive another round if it is going to be like this.

And its knowing that if it all ends tonight, that I will have to listen to days of doubt, question and blame. I will have to come in to the office to coworkers who will no doubt want to discuss it with me-because somehow I get to be held responsible for their wins and losses- when I would rather be discussing anything other than hockey at that moment. Believe me I do not look forward, nor want to have these discussions.

And I will not even begin to go on about the oh so wonderful commentary from certain commentators. Because yea, lets just not get me started on that one. Since I have some strong words on the topic.

Perhaps the safer option for me in regards to it is to let my husband watch it from downstairs and do all the yelling he wants while I barricade myself up, upstairs while listening to the game on mute.