It is my last day in the office before maternity leave, since I have given all of my tasks to others to do while I am gone, it is safe to say I am not getting a whole lot done other than answering a thousand questions regarding leave, the baby and family. Most are harmless, and simple questions answered in a couple of seconds, followed often by advice and well wishes. And then you get the ones you know is coming.
“Your son, he is a lot older right?”
I wouldn’t call a six year old a lot older. After all, he still believe in Santa and enjoys snuggling with us and needs help doing things from time to time. Sure he is a lot older than most kids who have a sibling.”He will be 7 in February.” I state.
“Why did you wait so long? That is to far of an age gap, you will ruin your children.You should have had them closer.”
To which I cringe.
Look I get it, I understand that the trend these days is to have your kids a little closer in age. But what is ideal for one family isn’t ideal for my own. Life gets in the way. With the limited use of my right hand, Andy and I had always talked about having our kids a little farther apart than most. By the time we were ready for number two, health issues came up by the time I was cleared for baby #2, I was a year away from graduating. While having another child was important, so was that degree. And as much as I didn’t want to wait, I realized if we had another child, the likelihood of not finishing was that much greater. Believe me going to school, working full time and having a family is not easy with one child. I wanted to be able to put my time in effort in finishing.
I do not say any of these however. Because I do not feel the need to. How does she know we hadn’t been trying for years? How did she know what our battles were like? She doesn’t. No one knows. And I do not feel like I need to defend my choices. I did not ask them why they choose to have their three kids within 4 years of one another. Nor did I give them my thought on it.
By no means do I think an age gap will ruin them.
No, maybe my son and daughter won’t exactly be sharing secrets, or giggling at the same thing all the time. No they will not be going to the same school at the same time. But they will each have their own time (even if at different points in their lives). We will be able to enjoy each stage differently. And just because they have an age gap does not mean they will not love each other, rather they can learn from one another. Logan is already looking forward to protecting her when it comes to dating, and being the big role model. As for her, I am sure she will teach him to always have a childlike quality about him that he will soon forget.
Maybe it doesn’t work for others, but it works for us.
And I am OK with that.