An update…and an apology.

It seems I am slacking in posting these days. Forgive. It has been quite the crazy, busy time lately. I had every intention to write, to update. I sat down, I had things planned out. But then we got the phone call that they wanted to see Harper for an update on her foot, and she needed another weight in.

Still I sat down, I knew what I wanted to say. I was going to write. I would do it that night. I wanted to write about how sitting in the hospital while they put Harper under for an MRI was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. That I held my breath and watched as the hours ticked by. How I just wanted to know everything was going to be OK.

I was going to write about how I feel like a crappy parent because Harper is growing, but she doesn’t weight as much as a normal then ten month old. She is long, and lean. And yet they still tell us to feed her as much as we can, and ask what we are doing, because she should be gaining a lot more than she is. We are trying. She is getting there. But she is a hell of a lot more active than she used to be. Still I do not feel like our efforts are good enough.

I wanted to write about the fact Family Intervention came and did an evaluation on her to see if they recommend her doing therapy to catch up to her nonpreemie babies counterparts. They did. We have our second evaluation, the beginning of Dec. Maybe I will write about that.

And then there was Logan’s orthodontist consult. And Halloween came up, and Logan’s lacrosse camp ended. And teacher/parent conferences, and birthday parties, and hockey games. I wanted to say how I don’t know how my mom did it with three girls, because I have two kids and I for awhile, between the two it was a lot of running back and forth. Thank the lord for my organizer.

And before I knew it, we are in the week before Thanksgiving….

This is no excuse. But bare with me. I will write. I have things to say. Trust me.

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Tech Free weekend

This past weekend we went completely tech free. Now I admit it was not done on purpose what so ever. Andy and my dad were out cleaning the backyard, something happened to our Verizon Fios, knocking it out entirely. Which meant that from mid morning on Saturday until early afternoon on Sunday we had no TV, phone or internet.

Now we could complain about this, I could say how horrible it was because I was in the middle of watching the Olympics and they were in the middle of a match. Also because I am running a Thirty-One online party and without the internet, it wouldn’t be easy.  My son could complain that he didn’t get to finish that Disney Infinity game he was in the middle of. And Andy could complain that he couldn’t be glued to his phone.

And you know what. We learned something.

We learned that sometimes, you don’t need any of it to still have a good time. That putting down that phone meant you could actually have a conversation face to face without having to find out what Johnny down the street was having for dinner.

We learned that music from the 90s is still pretty awesome, despite the fact you may have to explain why your 7 year old is singing “My andaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun.” And  yes CDs still work.

We learned that stores still exist. And you know, people still go to them! And little man found out that back to school shopping isn’t all that bad when it means shopping for you.

And we found out, telemarketers will definitely leave you alone when they can’t reach you!

But most of all, we learned that we don;t need any of it to make us happy. In fact we may do this more often.

An 8 month update

 

Holly Hicks Photography.

Holly Hicks Photography.

It has been way to long since I have written. I apologize. Life has gotten in the way. But here I am.

So lets get on with it.

Today, baby girl turns 8 months old. I  marvel to think how this happened. It seems like yesterday Anderson and I were bundling her up to finally take her home from the NICU after her week long stay. Yet here we are.

She continue to be on the smaller side, though she is getting there. At the beginning of July, we were able to finally convince the doctor that she may have a lactose issue, and were giving the go ahead to switch her out to a lactose (and everything else) free formula along with the start of baby food. She grew a whole pound in four weeks, jumping from 9 Ibs 10 oz, to just under 11 Ibs. Considering in her previous every two month appointments she had only gained a pound each time, the pound gained in 4 weeks was great. We now have another weight checkup this  month, four weeks after the first checkup, I am assuming this may be the norm from now on. Though we are also just convinced that little lady will be a little peanut. A beautiful little peanut.

She survived her first trip to Walt Disney World this past week where she pretty much melted everyone’s heart. She had no clue where she was obviously, but every now and then I got to see the little spark of princess love. I know we are in for many more years of it.  The castle she will call her second home may not be recognizable to her at the moment, but give it time.

While she may be tiny, she is gaining personality big time. I adore her smiles and giggles, which she usually reserves for daddy and big brother. Her left thumb is constantly in her mouth, which means I am pretty sure I have a thumb sucker on my hands, and the beginnings of teething. No visible ones have made them selves known as of yet. But it is bound to happen.

She has yet to crawl, but she is a wiggler. And even though she has yet to master sitting up on her own, I know she wants to. The doctors did inform us that because she is smaller, and came a little earlier, some things may take her a little longer to do. While so many people may panic because it is not on schedule, the way I see it, take your time baby girl. Life goes by to fast as it is. The milestones can come at your own pace.

We have time. You have time.

 

To Andy on our ten year anniversary.

anniversaryTo my dearest Andy-

Ten years…Do you remember when that seemed so long from that night we said I Do? How it surely would never get here. How we would never be that old. And yet somehow here we are. Staring at our ten year anniversary. They weren’t kidding when they said it would be here before we knew it.

It is.

It has been a wild ten years hasn’t it? We have so many changes, have gone through so many changes since that hot evening on Memorial Day weekend ten years ago. I don’t think we realized where our paths would take us back then. That we would have an amazing son who is probably the Worlds best kid. Admit it, he is. While he may look and have my personality do not be fooled, he is your son as well. He can be stubborn and a goof ball. And he loves his mommy just as much as his dad does (ok maybe a little more but this is up for debate) Take it up with him. And the daughter we welcomed last year? I can not wait to see how much joy she will bring in to our lives. I can not wait to see just who she will become.

We have had some hard years there is no doubt about that. Number 7  in particular was exceptionally hard. I don’t think many realize just how close we were to calling it quits. Really really close. Marriage at times is often not what we think it is. It’s not easy. I think we had to learn the hard way that it takes time. It is adjustments and constant reminders to actually put down the phones, the computers, to turn off the televisions and have conversations. To check in. To remind each other that we aren’t just mommy and daddy. That we are husband and wife. Andy and Aleisha. To remind each other that I love you isn’t just some words to mutter at the end of the night. That they actually mean something.

That you mean something to one another.

I learned a lot that year. About myself, about you. About us. I learned how much we loved each other. How much we still love each other. Even if we hated one another for a moment. How I wouldn’t want to go on this ride with any one else. How there are destined to be good years, and bad years. That it is the bad years that make us appreciate the good ones that much more. And how we often learn more about ourselves and our relationships during the bad ones.

We made a lot of changes during that time. We did a lot more talking than I believe we ever had. And for that, I am thankful for the struggles because it taught me this; that I love you more than anything. I did not think it would be possible but somehow that year made us stronger, more solid.

Which brings us to our 10th year. Amazing to think about.

I can’t begin to tell you how thankful I am for you. How much I love you. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to husband chores. I can not think of any other guy that automatically does things without asking. I can not begin to tell you how much each time you do something as simple as offer to cut a piece of meat, or help put on a bracelet makes me fall in love with you a little more. Likewise words can not express how much I adore watching you with the kids. The joy they bring to your face is indescribable. The joy you bring to their faces is indescribable. Truly it takes my breath way at times.

Please know this, you are one of the best guys I have ever known. You are one of the best fathers I know. Do not ever doubt this, do not doubt yourself. You are loved. Exceptionally so.

I love you.

No, we do not know what the future holds. I am not so naive to think every year will be spectacular. There will be other challenges to face. Other years that won’t go as according to plans. We will question, we will doubt and we will be tested. But I do know this, no matter what we will face it. We will embrace it.

Together.

And  what about love? Yes, we will love.

Yours truly,

Your wife.

 

Here’s to 5 months!

13254434_10154136048105883_7358667956715727491_nThere is that moment you have once you have a kid when you wonder what life was like before the little one was around.  You can’t even remember those days anymore. Surely we have always been a family of 4.

I had one of those yesterday while putting little lady’s 5 month sticker on her outfit. When had this happened? She can not be that old yet. I just had her!  And while I admit I miss those precious newborn days when it was just her and I in the living room while I was on leave, at the same time. I am loving this moment.

These moments.

This month has seen a lot of big changes.  Her giggles are becoming more infectious with each passing day. Gone are the accidental giggles. They have been taken over with a cute little baby chuckle that has grabbed the heart and the attention of anyone willing to listen and play along.

She could also babble all day to daddy, Logan and myself.  At times, they are so deep and serious almost that I often wonder what is going on her little head of hers. Yet at the same time, a minute later she is all smiles and sweet talking you like a champ. Even if it is in her own baby language.

We’ve also noticed how much more alert and aware of things she has become. No longer does she like to be held so she can’t see anything! And if you put a hockey game, or a baseball game on she is glued to the TV.

You can pretty much forget tummy time these days. She was never a fan of it to begin with but lately she has figured out to roll from her tummy on to her back, though she has yet to master the other way around. She will get there. And sitting up? You can tell she wants to sit up a lot more these days. She may not be able to sit unassisted yet, she is working on it. Getting stronger by the day, it has been incredible to see her reach each new thing or milestone every week.

She has also discovered her wonderful little hands are probably the best chew toy ever. While she does not appear to be teething yet, she is definitely getting a work out on those jaw muscles.

Harper had to undergo a ultrasound for her port wine stain on her foot. Everything turned out fine and it only seems to be superficial at this point which is good news. It will still have to be monitored and evaluated to make sure everything is all right still, but for the moment it is good news.

And lets hear it, she is finally in 0-3 month clothing! Most are still a little big but we are glad to see that she is moving in the right direction. It also means I should probably go through those drawers and change out to the bigger sizes we have been hoarding for awhile now.

I find it hard to believe that a month from now she will be six months old! Honestly I am really beginning to wonder just how that happened. And yet, I can not remember a time when she was not part of our lives. Much like it was with Logan, she seems as though she has been part of the family forever.

Here is to 5 months!

Checkups and milestones.

13072812_10154080260310883_1626076372513260510_oWe were finally able to take little miss (and her big brother) to the doctors for their checkups. She would have her 4 month checkup, while little man would have  his 7 year checkup.

I will be honest and say I don’t know what to expect when it comes to these appointments. We know she is running small still, but for a preemie we expected that. That being said, we have seen her grow, we know she is. Still would it be enough? Would they be happy? Time I suppose would tell.

We first had to checkup on little mans progress. As expected he is doing well, chatting with the doctor about his allergies, his karate practice and how he is learning to ride a bike (with a helmet!). He hoped he wouldn’t need shots, and was thrilled when she said he wouldn’t for a couple years. Then it was time for his measurements and to see how much he had grown. Turns out, quite a lot.

He is 48 and a half inches tall, and weighing in at 50 Ibs. She told us he is right on track, 42% on the weight an a little over average (52%) on the height.She said, she expects he will be hitting a growth spurt in the near future. Something tells me I should be prepared to go through a lot of pants in the next couple of months. Thankfully, with summer coming up he can live in shorts.

As he was finishing up, we were anxious to hear about little lady.  We listened as she went over things, during which she got to see little miss in action as she attempted to roll, she made it to her side. She smiled and cooed right on time. Yes everything is looking good. And now for her stats…

She is 22 inches long and 8 Ibs, 9 oz..Just about doubling her birth weight! And amazing for her standards. We were told once again that she is on her on track, her own path and that is alright by them as long as she is growing. She will eventually catch up, it just may not be as fast as the other 4 month old babies. But progress is good.

And while big brother didn’t have to worry about shots, it was another story with little lady. Is there anything worse than sitting and watching while your little one gets shot after shot? I think not.  I hated that she had to go through it, but at the same time know it was necessary.

Next up, an ultrasound to check out the birth mark on her foot before her six month checkup. But otherwise, my little lady, and my little man are doing well and are perfect in their own way.

 

I’m Trying.

I thought this would get easier. This coming back to work. I knew it was going to be an adjustment. I accepted the fact I would eventually have to come back to reality. But a little over a month since my return I still find myself struggling with leaving my daughter behind to go to work.

This is due in part of a lot of back and forth between my company. During maternity leave my company merged with another. Because of this, and while I was on leave somehow a lot of my paperwork has been misplaced, sent to the wrong place or forgotten. In the past month I have gone from not being paid, to somehow being told I was terminated on the very day I had my daughter. I suppose someone lost the paperwork, pushed the wrong button etc while moving me from my old company name to the new. It has bee a nightmare  trying to figure out what has been going on. This weeks latest is due to their error, my insurance has dropped us. Despite paying for it during leave, and now that I am back. Out of my paychecks.

I am told to be patient while they work this out. Things will get taken care of. It will get sorted out. Which is all fine and dandy. But with two kids, one being just about 4 months old and born a preemie, I sort of need things.

Especially when they have doctors appointments on Monday.

Yep. Awesome.

Look I realize things happen. We are all humans, and are not without fault. But these mistakes are becoming my ordeal to deal with on my end as every week seems to be something new. And they definitely do not help my situation what so ever.

But I am trying.

All good things must come to an end.

And so begins the week I have been dreading since I left out on Dec. 15th. The return to work week. For the first time in three months I have had to get up, dress in something other than leggings and over-sized t-shirts and make my way in to the city.

I had to return to traffic. And Metro. That thought alone made me want to cry. I didn’t even want to think about returning to work until I absolutely had to.

I truly enjoyed my time off. I did a lot, or rather I didn’t do a lot. I stayed in, read to my daughter. I went and saw my son in his debut acting performance for his class. I stayed home with both of them for various reasons and loved it. Things that are often so hard to do with a 2 hour commute. I even kept the house up for the most part. I felt accomplished while I was home.  I hated to see it go.

Yes I knew it would have to come to an end. I had even been trying to gear myself up for it for awhile. I told myself I was not the only woman to go back to work after a kid. I in fact had done so once before and while I hated it then, everything turned out just fine. Give it a week or two and it will all be OK once more.You will be OK. Having my mom watch her meant I could rest assured knowing she would be in good hands.  She will be OK

Still the thought didn’t make it any easier to get out of bed.

I managed to get through yesterday (my first official day back) with very few break downs. I avoided the clock in attempts to not be thinking what we would be doing about this time. Was there a show on?  I tried not to think about the moments I may be missing, that smile she is throwing around a lot more often now. I even held out as long as I could before breaking down and calling my mom for a check in. I made it to 12:30 in the afternoon.  I did everything I could think of to get me through the day. Knowing that is exactly what I may have to do. Take it day by day. Little by little. We will adjust. I will adjust.

And wouldn’t you know, somehow I made it through the day. Miraculously. Maybe I didn’t get a whole lot done other than cleaning out my email, most of which was old and irrelevant at this point. But I made it through. I did it.

It was a start.

I will be OK. She will be OK.

2 month checkup

IMG_5127Little lady had her two month appointment this morning. I find it hard to believe we have somehow already made it to this point. Everything checked out well, as expected.

She came in at 6 ibs 15 oz. and is 19 3/4 long. Yes small on most scales at 2 months but considering she is a preemie, she has her own scale to go by.

Also as expected she isn’t fond of shots. Then again neither is her big brother. I suppose no kid is truly.  I admit I couldn’t watch them give her shots. I had Andy do it. Which is funny considering I myself would rather get a shot any day over swallowing pills.

We discussed a rose mark on her foot, should be nothing but pics are being sent to the dermatologist just to make sure. We are told it will be monitored but they don’t seem concerned. Then again we have been monitored for just about everything

Other than that all looked well, and she is doing really well.  As for Anderson and I, we are just happy to see she is finally moving in to all those newborn outfits!

Here’s to 7!

image1I am having a hard time with the fact my sweet amazing little boy turned 7 this week. When did this happen? He wasn’t supposed to get this old (yes  I know just wait for the years to come). But truly how?

I don’t know about you but there are certain ages that just seem so much older than others. 7 for instance is one of them. I realized he is no longer that little boy anymore. No, he is just now a boy. Those toys that were once cherished are now being replaced with toys that in the next age level. In fact he is quite proud that those Lego sets read for ages 7-14 now and he can indeed actually get them without having to worry that they may be to advanced for him. And he informed us that he is to old to say Daddy. He hasn’t mentioned letting go of mommy, though I will not be surprised if that too is gone.

And yet, as much as he may say he is older, he still remains that same sweet little boy. He still crawls in to bed with me in the morning to steal some extra snuggle time. He still cries when he skins his knees, and he still prefers spending time with us over his friends. I shall cherish it for as long as I can, knowing that eventually this will fade. And he still reminds me that I am his best friend, and he is my little boy no matter how old he may be and to remember that. Shouldn’t I be the one to remind him?

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a sweet and caring boy.

But I will gladly take it. Here is to the next 7 years little man.