Things I do not miss.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. There are some moments that we will always cherish and remember. Even miss from time to time. But lets face it, pregnancy isn’t always wonderful, it can be painful towards the end even. And if I am going to be completely honest, there are things I absolutely do not miss.

Like dressing for work.

Sure on the weekends, I could get away with over-sized t-shirts I swiped from my husbands closet, and comfy leggings. But when it came to work clothes while I was pregnant? Yes I could pretty much forget about it. Especially towards the last stages when I couldn’t exactly hide that little belly I had in front of me. In fact I am pretty sure  I went through the last month or two wearing the same five outfits.Granted I could have gone out and bought more but as I knew little lady was coming early, I didn’t see the point in going out and buying new ones once I hit the month to go.

And that fashion? I know people always comment about how much cuter maternity clothes are these days thanks to Jessica Simpson and others who are at least attempting to make it be more stylish. Yet I searched local stores,  pinned outfits on Pinterest and hit up every magazine order looking for something. But I could never seem to find anything “cute” while I was expecting. Especially in the work clothes department. The stores either didn’t have my size, length or had never sold the outfit I was in hopes of. I remember quite vividly being told that they don’t sell them in my size because that would encourage teenage kids to become pregnant and then suggested I hit up the internet for them.  Which may have been fine had they not cost me an arm and leg in order to do so. So if there were cute clothes out there to be had, I had not found them.

Yes there are things I miss about being pregnant, I miss the excitement of knowing she was coming soon. I miss feeling her kick and play. And I miss the moments when I had her all to myself, before the outside world welcomed her.

But clothing? Is not one of them.

All good things must come to an end.

And so begins the week I have been dreading since I left out on Dec. 15th. The return to work week. For the first time in three months I have had to get up, dress in something other than leggings and over-sized t-shirts and make my way in to the city.

I had to return to traffic. And Metro. That thought alone made me want to cry. I didn’t even want to think about returning to work until I absolutely had to.

I truly enjoyed my time off. I did a lot, or rather I didn’t do a lot. I stayed in, read to my daughter. I went and saw my son in his debut acting performance for his class. I stayed home with both of them for various reasons and loved it. Things that are often so hard to do with a 2 hour commute. I even kept the house up for the most part. I felt accomplished while I was home.  I hated to see it go.

Yes I knew it would have to come to an end. I had even been trying to gear myself up for it for awhile. I told myself I was not the only woman to go back to work after a kid. I in fact had done so once before and while I hated it then, everything turned out just fine. Give it a week or two and it will all be OK once more.You will be OK. Having my mom watch her meant I could rest assured knowing she would be in good hands.  She will be OK

Still the thought didn’t make it any easier to get out of bed.

I managed to get through yesterday (my first official day back) with very few break downs. I avoided the clock in attempts to not be thinking what we would be doing about this time. Was there a show on?  I tried not to think about the moments I may be missing, that smile she is throwing around a lot more often now. I even held out as long as I could before breaking down and calling my mom for a check in. I made it to 12:30 in the afternoon.  I did everything I could think of to get me through the day. Knowing that is exactly what I may have to do. Take it day by day. Little by little. We will adjust. I will adjust.

And wouldn’t you know, somehow I made it through the day. Miraculously. Maybe I didn’t get a whole lot done other than cleaning out my email, most of which was old and irrelevant at this point. But I made it through. I did it.

It was a start.

I will be OK. She will be OK.